Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
