I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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