I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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