I think my fart just growled at me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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