More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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