Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
