I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize