We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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