she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
accomplished twins. life is a go
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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