I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize