let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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