you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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