More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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