He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
