Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
