So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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