you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
