Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my vagina is haunted
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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