God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
