i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
