i need an iv and a liver transplant
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
