whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
