Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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