Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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