If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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