he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize