dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize