yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize