the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
