Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
