She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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