Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Soap is not a condiment
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
