clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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