This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
