Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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