Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
