is wine microwaveable?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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