im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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