What did we do last night that was yellow?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
