I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
