At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
