i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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