a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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