No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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