And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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