New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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