return my video game
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
