I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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