Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
