Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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