After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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