we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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