sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize