Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
