So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
