My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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