wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
