do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
