I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize