Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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