he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
